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    Part of the monthly ficlets I write based off Patron suggested and voted on prompts!

    Original prompt was:  RariTwiDash fic where only Rainbow Dash has the single braincell. I ended up not following the prompt, but it’s okay because I asked for forgiveness in the Patreon Discord server and like five people said it was ok so yay!!!!

    Set in a humanized alt. universe.


    Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle had been the best detectives in town for as long as it mattered. Which was from the second they’d got their start at the Celestial Private Detective Agency, obviously. All the detectives before they got there were good-for-nothings so screw ‘em. 

    And yet. 

    And yet, despite being a dynamic duo consisting of the coolest and smartest private eye ever and also Twilight Sparkle—who was cool and awesome in her own way—their career was in jeopardy. 

    All because of one woman.

    “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my favorite pair of private detectives in the entire city.”

    The bewitching masked master thief, Lady Gemstone. There she stood before the two detectives in the middle of an alley, a bag full of stolen jewels casually slung over her shoulder.

    “You’re getting sloppy, Gemstone,” Rainbow said, gripping her gun and bringing it to bear on Gemstone “Real sloppy. You were caught by every single goddamn camera in the store.”

    Gemstone laughed, delighted. “Was I? Did I look good? I’ve been working on my acting, you know.”

    “Well, it sucks,” Rainbow spat. 

    Gemstone snorted. “Oh? It sucks? Oh stars! I’m so hurt! I’m crying!” She looked to Twilight. “Detective Twilight, look at me. Don’t I look ever so hurt? Can you see me crying?”

    “She’s right,” Twilight cooly replied, her gun aimed at Gemstone. “Not about the sucking.” She turned to Rainbow Dash, her eyebrow raised. “‘It sucks’ as a comeback? Come on, I know you can do better than that, Rainbow.” She then turned back to Gemstone, tilting her head slightly. “You’re getting sloppy. Every police station in the city has video footage of you now. Lots of it. We’ve talked about this before. That’s bad for all of us, Rarity.”

    Rainbow Dash froze at that. So did Gemstone. 

    “Why, I’m sure I have no clue what you’re talking about, detective, or who you’re talking about! Rarity? Who’s she?” Gemstone said, her voice suddenly strained—not so much in a frightened way, but more a… how to put this delicately… a ‘What the hell are you saying’ way. 

    “Uhhhh, Twilight? What the fuck?” Rainbow Dash similarly hissed, her eyes darting to the cameras nearby. She then tried to recover, straightening herself and laughing loudly. “I mean! Ha ha! Twilight means bad for all of us because we’re going to have so many new responsibilities after we turn you in, and because you’ll be in jail!” She looked to Twilight. “Right?

    Gemstone replied with a screeching laughter of her own, dropping the bag to the floor behind her. “You? Turn me in? Hah!” She clapped. “Now that’s a good joke!”

    “You’re a joke!” Rainbow shot back, stamping her foot on the ground. “Just like your acting!”

    “I don’t mean to interrupt,” Twilight interrupted, smiling ever so slightly, “but if any of you had listened to what I said last Saturday night at my place, which I knew you wouldn’t because when do you ever listen to me, you’d remember street cameras in the Lunar neighborhood don’t record audio feed.”

    “…Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, her gun still aimed at Gemstone. 

    “…Sorry,” added Gemstone, also known as Rarity Belle. 

    “Yeah,” replied Twilight. 

    “Wait, hold on a moment,” Rarity said, and for the first time, her haughty tone dropped, replaced instead with genuine hurt. Her eyes could barely meet Rainbow Dash’s. “You… You really think my acting sucks?”

    Rainbow faltered. Ah, crap. 

    “What?” she sputtered, still trying to act cool for the video feed, which was easy because she was cool. “What! No. I was just saying that! Duh!”

    “No, you mean it,” Rarity insisted, her brows creasing in anger. She stabbed a finger in Rainbow’s direction. “You really think my acting is bad. Don’t lie to me, Rainbow.”

    “I don’t!” she insisted. She glanced at Twilight, helpless. “Twilight! Back me up here!”

    Twilight snorted. “I’m staying out of this.”

    “You’re my girlfriend! You’re supposed to back me up!” Rainbow protested. 

    “Yes, and as your girlfriend who loves you and wants you to grow, I’m supporting you by letting you deal with your own messes.”

    “Ugh!” She mulled it over and then took a step forward, her gun still up. Her eyes glanced towards the camera. “Look. I’m just going to step forward, and—”

    “Step forward? Not because you care for me, obviously,” Rarity pointed out, smiling acidly. “All for the sake of the camera, I assume. Same as the gun you’re pointing at me. Well! Come now, darling, don’t do it for show. Shoot me! Should be easy considering you’ve no qualms shooting down my hobbies.”

    “Rares,” Rainbow whined. “Come on, cut me some slack!” She stepped forward again, her expression softening as her gun lowered a few inches “Rarity. Hey. You know I—” 

    It happened very fast. One second, she was standing and pointing a gun, the second she was restrained on the floor, Rarity’s arm around her neck and the barrel of her gun kissing her own temple. 

    Rarity!” Rainbow gasped, not out of pain—Rarity was barely touching her neck—but more out of sheer indignation. “The hell!

    “Oh, come now, darling. You didn’t really think I took offense to that, now did you? But I guess you must have. Silly Rainbow.” She glanced up at Twilight. “At this rate, I’ll win acting awards for certain!”

    Twilight laughed. “Maybe a nomination, sure.”

    “I hate the both of you,” Rainbow hissed. “Both of you.”

    “You love us,” Rarity purred, depositing an almost imperceptible kiss on the back of Rainbow’s head. 

    “Rarity,” Twilight said, her tone turning serious. “You’re barely keeping out of the public eye. This is the fifth robbery this month. I don’t know if we can keep letting you get away with this.”

    “And I told you that my love for diamonds is as blinding as my love for you two, so I’m afraid I cannot please you in this way, dearest. Besides, I only steal from rich assholes, you know that. I’m a modern day Robin Hood! Rainbow Dash has somewhat loose morals so she’d take me regardless—”

    Hey!”

    “—but you certainly wouldn’t have fallen for me if you didn’t think those cucumber sandwiches deserved it. Admit it, Twilight.”

    When Twilight failed to reply, Rarity giggled like a schoolgirl. “That’s what I thought. And can you blame me?” Rainbow couldn’t see her, obviously, but she could feel Rarity fluttering her eyelashes. “It doesn’t make it any less tempting when it’s always you two coming after me. How can a poor girl resist?”

    “Rares,” Rainbow whined, pretending to struggle against her. “You can’t keep doing this! You know how this looks on our record?! At this rate, we’re going to have to bring you in just so Blueblood doesn’t get promoted over me!”

    “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that,” Rarity hummed. “I’m sure a house visit would distract Detective Blueblood long enough you can do something about it. I do hear he has some lovely paintings.”

    “Rarity!” the two detectives snapped. 

    And then Rainbow added, “Oh, shit! But then you could give it to us, and can you imagine the look on his face if Twi and I are the ones to recover all his stupid things?”

    “Rainbow!” Twilight snapped. 

    “Oooooh! I do love the sound of that, love.”

    “Rarity!” Twilight emboldened her aim towards them, which was mostly for show since they always carried blanks when going after Rarity. “We are not stealing from Blueblood just to make us look good!”

    Her two significant others pouted in unison. “Aw.”

    “Look, we have to take you in,” Twilight continued. “We have to. If word gets out that Celestial Agency’s best detectives keep failing to apprehend Lady Gemstone, it’ll be a bad look for us, and we’ll get less funding for when we need to actually go after real criminals.”

    “I am a real criminal, excuse you!”

    “So, either you lay low for the next few months, or you let us take you in.”

    Rarity whined. “But…”

    “Oh, come on, Rares,” Rainbow said, trying to be supportive. “We’re handing you over to Ponyville PD. You’ll bust out of their car before they can even take you to the nearest station.”

    After a minute’s hesitation, Rarity relented. “Oh, fine. Fine! But you two better be waiting for me at my apartment with a fully cooked meal and skimpy clothes to match.”

    “Great,” Twilight said, reaching for her cuffs with her free hand. “Rainbow will subdue you for the camera feed, and I’ll cuff you.” 

    “Ooooh! Subdue me, you say? My, my. Promise you’ll be rough, dearest?”

    “What?!” Rainbow gasped. “It’s my turn to cuff her! You always cuff the perps!”

    “Ooooh, my darling,” Rarity said to Rainbow, clearly having the time of her life. “I didn’t know you were into that! Exciting! And next time, I’ll cuff both of you!”

    “You two keep me out of this.”


    I really missed writing RariTwiDash… Also, lmao, noticing that now that I don’t have to post on fimfic, my stories are veering more adult lol

    SUPER INFLUENCED by the amazing novel Sapphire Shadow by my friend James Wake, which you should definitely read if you want a thrilling novel with amazing RariTwi Essence.

    You can support me on

    26 Comments

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    1. A Deer
      Sep 17, '22 at 10:43 pm

      A fun story and more so because of villain Rarity. Just give Rarity a whole series of being the antagonist and Twilight going against her and them falling for each other and I’m 100 percent there. Rarity would start by being upset Twilight doesn’t fall for her theatrics while Twilight’s just confused why no one’s defeated Rarity yet – she doesn’t seem that challenging. But Rarity’s only getting started.

      Having the three of them in on Rarity’s thievery and putting on a show for appearances was a fun twist on what I expected starting the story. Love Rarity feeling insulted by not being considered a real criminal. The conversation about stealing from Blueblood makes Rarity and Rainbow sound like an entertaining criminal duo. Throw Twilight in there too. A criminal trio. Going to check out that recommended novel. Title sounds interesting already.

    2. Jagafeh
      Jan 30, '22 at 3:06 pm

      This was a great read but I feel the “female burglar/cat villain who romances the hero” should be its own trope. i.e. Batman/Cat Woman and Spider-Man/Black Cat.

      1. @JagafehJan 30, '22 at 3:46 pm

        It should be!!! It’s so good!!

        Also thank you! I’m glad you liked it!

    3. Blue_Paladin42
      Jan 21, '22 at 12:56 am

      Pft, nice. Ngl I wouldn’t mind more of this.

    4. Lrom
      Jan 20, '22 at 9:33 pm

      The fact that rainbow dash ever having a brain cell in any universe is so unbelievable that you couldn’t even follow the prompt /j 🥴

    5. Olden Bronie
      Jan 20, '22 at 10:39 am

      This was so funny and I loved Rarity as the ‘villain’! You have a terrific imagination, Mono and it really shows in the ideas you bring into these prompts.

    6. MrTSG
      Jan 20, '22 at 3:13 am

      I love any OT3 that have RariTwi in it. Great job Mono!

      1. @MrTSGJan 20, '22 at 9:44 am

        Thank you!! I’m glad you liked it <3

    7. ShadowLDrago
      Jan 19, '22 at 11:43 pm

      This is such a great dynamic. And the description wasn’t lying. Rainbow really IS the only one with the braincell. And it is hilarious.

      1. @ShadowLDragoJan 20, '22 at 1:03 am

        Heheheee!

    8. SigmasonicX
      Jan 19, '22 at 9:58 pm

      This was really fun! It took a bit to get what exactly the situation was, but that’s part of the experience. Regarding your author’s note, I do really get the sense that you feel less chained down when writing now. You’re writing what you want to without worry.

      1. @SigmasonicXJan 20, '22 at 1:04 am

        Re: the chained down, yes. Absolutely. There’s certain parts of this fic that I would have been “oh, is this too much for fimfic?”, and now that I don’t have those limitations, I can feel my writing growing and expanding in ways it couldn’t previously.

    9. kelsey
      Jan 19, '22 at 8:51 pm

      this was sooooo cute, it’s fun seeing RD & rarity’s theatrics. I’m imagining a future where RD plans & Rarity steals bluebood’s paintings and donate them to a museum, innocently telling twilight “well, you told us we couldn’t steal them to make us look good.” They’d all go to the gallery opening and flirt in a self congratulatory way the whole time

      1. @kelseyJan 20, '22 at 1:05 am

        omg,,,, that would be great tho…

        Honestly, I wrote this as a little one shot but now I kinda want to do more in this ‘verse.

    10. Wolfcape
      Jan 19, '22 at 8:08 pm

      I really love the way you wrote their dynamic! How will they explain away the 3 – 5 minutes of banter to Ponyville PD though? The paperwork may win best fiction awards.

      RD is so in character, I’m wondering how you haven’t written a story centered around her yet.
      There will be massive regret it if you turn me back into TwiDash.

      EDIT: P.S: The emails drop two notifications and I was hopeful that this had a sequel of sorts. Maybe should fix that, it gave me false hope.

      1. @WolfcapeJan 20, '22 at 1:05 am

        I’m glad you liked it!

        And re: the e-mail, one is for the story having been published, and then the other for the chapter itself.