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    December Monthly Patreon Ficlet!

    Warning: Explicit Language! — You can hide marked sensitive content or with the toggle in the formatting menu. If provided, alternative content will be displayed instead.

    “Twilight,” said Princess Celestia, the two of them enjoying a delicious cup of afternoon tea in the library. She idly stirred her tea, lost in thought. “I hope you don’t mind my curiosity, but…”

    She paused. How to say it? How to ask a question she wasn’t allowed to directly ask? How, how, how. 

    “…But?” prompted her ever-faithful student, blinking at her mentor with curious eyes. 

    Celestia faltered, but then quickly composed herself, offering Twilight a pristine smile. She’d gotten distracted briefly, thinking of the very colorful way Rainbow Dash had put it: 

    “Princess. It’s easy, ok? All you gotta do is just look her in the eye and ask, “Hey, Twilight, do you know if…”

    She couldn’t even think it. The blush would give her away. 

    “One moment, Twilight. I’m trying to think of how to say it.”

    This was ridiculous, really. 

    Just as ridiculous as how it started. 


    “Listen Princess,” Rainbow Dash had said days before, her and the princess flying above the clouds. “Do you want to win this bet or not?”

    The princess didn’t altogether know how to respond. “I will admit that the more time passes, the less sure I am of this entire thing,” she confessed, allowing herself a rare moment of vulnerability. 

    “What?! Come on! You can’t back down now!” the pegasus exclaimed, screeching to a stop mid-air. “Did you forget what she said about Twilight?!”

    “That when it comes to romance, my student is not very perceptive.”

    “No, that’s not what she said! She said, and I’m quoting, ‘When it comes to romance, Twilight Sparkle is as smart as a gigantic sack of bricks’. Are you going to let her get away with something as rude as that?!”

    The princess smiled. “You think that was rude? Strange! I remember you laughing a lot at that.”

    Rainbow frowned. “Well, duh. That’s because it was hilarious. Rude things are, like, mostly hilarious ninety percent of the time. Anyway!” She flew back up, her wings extending. “She’s wrong, right?! Twilight totally has it figured out!”

    Celestia hesitated. Now this was a true problem. There was no way Twilight didn’t know. She was brilliant! She had to have figured it out. But Celestia didn’t know if she wanted to find out if Twilight knew. 

    “Are you going to just let her walk all over Twi’s honor or whatever?! No!”

    Now it was Celestia who landed on the cloud, her wings folding at her side. 

    “You’re right. She will forever be my beloved faithful student, and if someone’s put her intelligence into question, I shouldn’t let that stand.”

    “Exactly!” Rainbow Dash flew all the way up until their faces were practically smushed together. “Princess! It’s easy, ok? All you gotta do is just look her in the eye and say, “Hey, Twilight, do you know if Rarity’s fucking anypony?”


    Evidently, she wasn’t about to say that to Twilight Sparkle. The younger alicorn would probably choke on her tea, and who was Celestia to ruin a nice teatime?

    But she had to find out otherwise. 

    “I was curious about Rarity,” she said, instead, analyzing Twilight as she did so. Trying to see a sign, per se. 

    “Rarity?” Twilight asked, only just surprised, but enough that it felt genuine. 

    “Yes! I’ve been seeing her a lot, as you know.”

    Twilight perked up. “I do! She’s been having all those fashion events at the castle this year.”

    The princess nodded. “Exactly. And since I see her so frequently, I admit I’ve taken a great liking to her. Is she well?”

    “I think so!” Twilight laughed, taking a sip of her tea after. Again, she looked sincere. Genuine. Hm. “Honestly, at this point, you’d probably know better than I would, Princess. I’m sure you’ve seen her more than I have this month.”

    “You’d be surprised! She is very popular among the noblesse.” Finding an in, the princess took one last sip of tea before placing the cup down and speaking with care: “I’ve been led to believe she has her fair share of suitors, too.”

    Now that caught Twilight’s attention. 

    “Really?” she asked, and again! Again, her expression was one of genuine curiosity, not the one Celestia expected which was one of sly recognition, like somepony who knew a secret. She tilted her head to the side, thoughtful. “I guess I’m not surprised. She is pretty.”

    “Very pretty, yes,” said Celestia, perhaps a little too wistfully. Which Twilight didn’t notice, and also didn’t notice Celestia quickly coughing awkwardly. She put on a practiced poker face and hummed thoughtfully. “I wonder if she’s picked one. Has she told you anything?”

    “Not that I know of,” Twilight replied. 

    “She hasn’t said anything? Really?” Celestia insisted curiously, which was probably giving too much away, but it would be fine. 

    Twilight shook her head. “No, and I don’t think she’d have time for a relationship, honestly. She’s so busy all the time!” She giggled. “She only really talks about you.”

    “…Does she?” the princess asked, quite delighted. 

    “Mhm.” Twilight was beaming. “I’m so glad you two are good friends, Princess Celestia. It means a lot to me. I… I was a little worried she’d be too much, actually. With how she used to be so in love with royalty and all that.” Her joy faded, replaced instead with the familiar anxiety Celestia remembered well. “She has been respectful of your time, hasn’t she? And to you, right? She’s always respectful?”

    “Yes, of course, Twilight.”

    Twilight instantly relaxed. “All right. Good.”

    And then she said nothing else. Nothing, absolutely nothing, which led Celestia to conclude that somehow, somehow, despite Rarity talking about her endlessly, Twilight Sparkle hadn’t yet used her intellect to piece together that ‘Celestia’ herself was, as Rainbow Dash put, the one that Rarity was fu…

    Involved with. 

    As if summoned by the devil himself, a voice called out in the distance. 

    “Twilight, dear? Are you home?”

    “Oh! Look who it is!” Twilight said, giggling. She craned her neck towards the door. “We’re in the living room, Rarity!”

    “We?” Rarity called back, her voice coming closer and closer. “Who’s w—”
    Her sentence died as she stepped into the room and her eyes landed on Princess Celestia. The transformation was immediate. In a second, she went from casual and cheery to fluttering her eyelashes. “My, if it isn’t Princess Celestia! What a lovely surprise.”

    “O-Oh! Rarity!” replied the princess, definitely not blushing slightly. “Hello!”

    “Priiiincess!” the unicorn whined, walking over to the alicorn with a little pout. She stood next to her and gently caressed the princess’ wing. “Whyever did you not tell me you were visiting Ponyville? I’m hurt!”

    “It was just a quick visit,” Twilight replied, which Celestia deeply appreciated as she was entirely too focused on the sensation of Rarity now brushing her hoof dangerously close to her flank. 

    “Oh, I see,” Rarity murmured, being shameless! Shameless as she discreetly entwined her tail with Celestia’s right in front of Twilight Sparkle. She then lifted her forehoof and lifted the alicorn’s chin. “Now I know why you didn’t tell me. Our little soirées together do tend to go looooong into the night, do they not?”

    Celestia’s eyes darted towards Twilight, who was giggling innocently. Somehow. Celestia wanted to shake her. Was she really that dense? How?

    “I was just telling the princess how happy I am you two are such good friends now, Rarity,” Twilight added, and when Rarity turned to her, Celestia almost wanted to be outraged at how sly Rarity’s smile was. 

    “Oh, yes. We’re the best of friends, she and I.” She turned to Celestia, and Celestia might have exploded the sun from sheer embarrassment at how deeply Rarity was looking into her eyes. “Intimately, so.”

    The princess didn’t often say this, but by Celestia’s beard.

    “Oh! Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed, suddenly getting up. “I’m sorry! I haven’t offered you something to drink? Would you like some tea?”

    Still looking at Celestia, she replied: “Mhm. That would be lovely, dear.”

    Ever the graceful host, Twilight trotted off with a ‘be right back!’ and it wasn’t until several seconds passed and she was gone that Rarity spoke again. 

    “Dumb. As. Bricks,” she said, punctuating every word with a peck on Celestia’s lips. 

    “You’re shameless,” Celestia whispered, allowing herself the blush she’d repressed for the past ten minutes. “Completely and absolutely. I’m appalled by how shameless you are.”

    Rarity grinned impishly, fluttering her eyelashes. “Oh, hush, dearest sun. You love it.”

    “That is besides the point. Though.” She eyed the door Twilight had gone through. “I’m starting to think it’s better she doesn’t know. She seemed upset at the mere idea that you’d ever disrespect me, so I can’t imagine how she’d react at finding out.”

    “Finding out? Finding out what?” Rarity asked, her hoof rubbing circles on the alicorn’s flank. “That I defile you at least twice a week?”

    Shameless.”

    Rarity laughed, smittenly cuddling up to the alicorn. “Oh, don’t worry. We’re too discreet for anypony to find out. Except for Rainbow Dash who is now banned from crashing into my bedroom in the middle of the night.

    “But until then,” Rarity continued, leaving a string of kisses down the princess’s neck, “you shall be my little secret whom I’m dying to find thousands of new ways of disrespecti—”

    The sound of glass shattering interrupted her. 

    R-Rarity? What are you doing?!”

    Neither princess nor her lover looked. 

    “Mmm,” Rarity said, “if you throw yourself at her, that should give me enough of a running start she won’t find me for at least a week. Shall we go on three?”

    “I’ll say it again. You are shameless,” Celestia replied, getting up. “One… Two…”


    Twilight rn:

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    19 Comments

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    1. A Deer
      Oct 10, 22 at 3:09 am

      This was great! Guess Twilight’s too busy doing Twilight Work to notice things like her second mom being with one of her best friends. And Rarity needs to be careful – setting the world on fire should remain figurative and not a Rarilestia caused mishap. How did the world end? Oh, Rarity flirts too much. That’s how.

      The dialogue, characterization and humor were great in this. Loved that Rarity’s revealed in the last part to be the one that said Twilight’s dumb as a bag of bricks when it comes to romance. Another great one!

    2. Rainbow Infinity Readings
      Feb 14, 22 at 6:07 pm

      Greetings, your reading has been completed and can be found here. I hope you enjoy.

      1. @Rainbow Infinity ReadingsFeb 15, 22 at 12:04 pm

        Oh! thank you!! I’m excited to check it out c:

    3. sunnybun
      Jan 14, 22 at 9:25 pm

      i loooove underappreciated ships. i love fashion horse. i love sun horse. this piece of literature is immaculate. thank you.

      your portrayal of rarity is unmatched as always. the gif at the end really sent it all the way home for me tbh

      wonderful!!

    4. Harwick
      Jan 7, 22 at 9:57 pm

      Ha! I loved this…. I have a weakness for Rarilestia that is so rarely satisfied, and you write Celestia just as charmingly as you do all of your other characters, making this an unexpected treat!

      1. @HarwickJan 8, 22 at 12:09 pm

        Honestly, I miss writing RariLestia in a romantic aspect. I think the reason I hadn’t feel the urge yet is because Crimson and Sapphire have a TON of platonic!rarilestia so I’ve been kept fed, but definitely I want to do a few other romantic rarilestia ficlets.

    5. Sylvian
      Jan 5, 22 at 12:28 am

      I think I just died of laughter at the ending of this xD

      1. @SylvianJan 5, 22 at 11:38 am

        heeee<3

    6. Kits
      Jan 4, 22 at 2:15 am

      God, Rainbow is actually *right* about the rudeness thing. It’s so perfect.

      I do enjoy Rarity openly flirting in front of Twilight. Twilight is dumb as bricks when it comes to romance and I love it. I’m also betting Dash knew that too and that this was 100% the situation she was hoping to create.

      this was great fun mono

      1. @KitsJan 4, 22 at 5:41 pm

        thank you, kits!!! i’m really glad you liked it <3

    7. ShadowLDrago
      Jan 4, 22 at 1:39 am

      Twilight: Sharp as a knife, dumb as a brick. But, not unlike a dog, she gets away with it by being cute.

    8. Undome Tinwe (Melesse Lindenya)
      Jan 4, 22 at 12:14 am

      Delightful. These little ficlets have been so much fun to read, and Rarity is, as always, in finest form, along with the other characters.

      1. @Undome Tinwe (Melesse Lindenya)Jan 4, 22 at 1:35 am

        Thank you!!! <3 I'm glad you liked it c:

    9. homoshy
      Jan 3, 22 at 11:58 pm

      uugghhhh this was so GOOD

      i mean, i feel like it goes w/o saying that u just Get the characterization of all the characters on display here. from rainbows exuberance to raritys sharp wit to celestias polite restraint to twilights (not at all relatable) romantic denseness its just …. superb. watching these four bounce off each other is just delightful. lovely lil ray of literary sunshine

      1. @homoshyJan 4, 22 at 1:30 am

        Aaaah thank you, Dawn!!!! ;__;

        I’m really happy you liked it!!! And I’m glad all the characters were good; that’s what I was most nervous about. I really did miss writing RariLestia so hopefully I’ll have a chance to do more of that.

    10. Dimbulb
      Jan 3, 22 at 11:51 pm

      That freaking image at the end killed me

      1. @DimbulbJan 4, 22 at 1:29 am

        Heheheeeeee!