This Is For Me – Open Letter

Hi everyone.

This is Mono! I need to make an announcement regarding the story, and I need it to happen within the story, and this is my website so here I am. I am sorry this isn’t an actual update, but it’s relevant to updates, so please bear with me.

To anyone still reading this, or interested, or invested, I need to be fully upfront with you about something because it is the reason I’ve not touched the story in months (beyond Grad School) and I am at a point where it feels like cancelling the story is the only option I have. Which I don’t want to do, so this is my so-called Hail Mary pass.

I wrote myself into a corner. The issue with years of posting a story as it goes and by the seat of my pants and for years just hoping for the best is that eventually that no longer works when the pressures on the story to be good feel so big and enormous that I can’t breathe. I live terrified of disappointing whoever is even still reading, and that I’ll write a bad story, and it’ll be unsatisfying and I just can’t bring myself to write it and–

I am not entirely sure this is a healthy approach, but I’m saying all this so I can free myself of my own expectations: the next few bits are going to be rough. They will be messy. I have had the ending of this series planned for a decade, but the immediate next bits have always been nebulous, and I am now having to deal with it, plus my own crushing expectations on me writing a satisfying ending, conclusion, I don’t know.

I don’t want to quit TELverse. It haunts me. It consumes me. But for years now I’ve not once written this 100% for me, except for the side stories which are incredible, like the latest one, which is incredible frankly only because I wrote it 100% for me.

I don’t know if I’ve just been warped by twitter and social media and the like, but I want to continue this, and I will, for me, and it was very important for me to say it out loud, to have the safeguard explicitly said that I think the next section is going to be rough and indulgent and not a masterclass of a story, and that’s okay.

Every other story I am currently working on, I am trying to work on professionally, but I think I need to allow myself one story that is a hobby story that is messy and imperfect and that’s fine, and I am going to make the active choice for TERa to be that, and I wanted to be upfront with this. I needed to set expectations, both mine and yours and whoever.

I miss TELverse. I don’t know who else misses it, but I miss it, and I miss when it felt like it was for me, and I have to believe people who still care cared in the first place because they liked my completely self-indulgent story, and not a story crushed under what I think everyone else wants or deserves or is entitled to or jdjkdjksadkjadkjda

Anyway yes. I’m starting summer break, so I’ll be working on horsies, and I am going to write an imperfect story and I think that sounds lovely.

Thank you all for your time!!!! ily!!!!

Mwa,

Mono

p.s. grad school is hard but i made it thru the first year!!