Unspoken Truths

Princess Luna sat by the sea. 

It was a sea made of stars, stretching out before her like an endless expanse, constellations and galaxies and lustrous nebulae swirling around the abyss in a pattern that made no particular sense. 

Life, she’d found, didn’t often make sense. Life, really, was just a series of things and events that didn’t make sense, but one had to try to make sense of them nonetheless. 

For a thousand years—

For most of her life, Princess Luna’s thoughts had been her own, kept tucked inside her mind where none could see, shared in very specific ways and with very specific words meant to help others, guide them into making sense of things. 

No one helped her. Not because they couldn’t, or wouldn’t, but because as somepony whose destiny in life was to be immersed in the thoughts of others, she felt obligated to deal with her own. 

But sometimes, she made allowances. Sometimes, she was faced with a creature so unwilling to relinquish control, to free themselves of their demons, that her only option was to quite literally impose her point of view upon them. 

This was one such time. 

But, first things first. 

About two weeks ago, Princess Luna was freed from her prison. She’d partied more than she cared for, and then came to enjoy a welcome party her niece had prepared for her. Said party had been briefly interrupted by a vile creature, and then continued. 

The party had been lovely. It could have been a disaster—and, in fact, Discord’s appearance turned it into that — and yet it was still lovely. She could have been stabbed by a knife, had her wings cut off, endured innumerable terrible things, and it would have still been lovely if only because she was surrounded by ponies she loved and who loved her in return. 

When it ended at around midnight, she retired to her old quarters to do what Pinkie had once lovingly described as putting dirty ponies through a washing machine until they were nice and clean and wrinkle-free. 

And as she found out that night, entering a very vicious nightmare involving Discord and chessboards and broken pawns, Rarity was in need of a very deep cleaning. 

“Speak it into existence.” 

Rarity shifted uncomfortably next to her, dipping her hoof into the stars like she’d done several times already in the time they’d been sitting there after the Princess had ended the nightmare. 

When Rarity said nothing and simply tugged at the glowing necklace on her neck, she continued.

“It is frightening to speak things into existence. I’ve found that’s what ponies most struggle with. The idea that saying it makes it real because you can’t unspeak something said, and I find it interesting that they think thoughts aren’t the same.” 

“They’re not.” It was the first thing she’d said for a while. 

“Aren’t they? It is still a voice, it’s still spoken word, the only distinction is you’re the only one hearing it, but it is still being said. It is still a truth.” 

Again, Rarity shifted uncomfortably. 

“Why does that frighten you?” A pause. Rarity fidgeted again, noticeably so. “Stop trying to wake yourself. The only thing that will happen is we’ll have to have this conversation in person, and I think this is a nicer view than Canterlot.” 

“Princess, why are we doing this?” There was an impatience to her tone. “It was just a nightmare. Not every nightmare means something. It’s not important.”

“It’s not. Does that mean it shouldn’t exist? Do you live your life thinking every moment must be important?” Rarity answered by keeping quiet, so Luna continued. “Why are you frightened by something being true?” 

“You really aren’t going to let me wake up, are you?” Princess Luna answered by keeping quiet, so Rarity continued, annoyed. “It’s not the truth.” 

“Then say it.” 

And she didn’t, which Luna expected, so she continued her washing. 

“Truth can be changed. It’s subjective. Even things that are objective can be changed. Name a thing that is true and cannot be changed.” 

“Fine. The sky is blue.” 

“The sky is blue.” Luna hummed. “But it’s orange during sunset, and if I were to fully blind you tomorrow, the sky would be black, and that would be true.” 

The unicorn clicked her tongue. “No, it would not. It would still be blue.” 

“Not for you.” 

“Princess.” 

“I will assist,” Luna said. “Years ago, you met Twilight Sparkle, and you chose to help her. Then you failed to help her, and you were terribly hurt, and you spent two years tortured, then she saved herself, and you spent another year facing and vanquishing your fears. Thanks to that, you saved me, and you thought it was over, and now you’ve come to a party, expected a wonderful time, and instead only found out that your life isn’t solved because you and Twilight Sparkle figured out how to talk.” 

“Princess.” She sounded about to kill Luna. This was excellent. 

“You’ve realized my sister is still trapped somewhere and suffering, and Cadance is still trapped and suffering, and Discord is still out there somewhere plotting something to hurt us, and there is still so much suffering and hardship left, stretching out like this beautiful sea before us. So here is the truth: you spent most of yesterday realizing the idea of seeing this through is so terrifying and exhausting that there is a part of you that wishes you could walk away.” 

There was silence. And through the corner of her eye, she watched Rarity lift her hoof and press it against her forehead. 

“But you won’t,” continued the Princess, her tone light, “because of another truth that is perhaps one of the few truths in this world that even if it can be changed, to do so would require a force of power so immeasurable that it might as well be one of the few unwavering truths in this world.” 

“Oh?” Rarity asked, voice small. “And what truth is that?” 

“You love Twilight Sparkle too much to walk away. You love all of us too much to quit, really, but Twilight more than I think even you understand.” 

And then from Rarity came a laugh so light and delighted and real that Princess Luna allowed herself a smile. 

“Oh, I do, don’t I? To the end of the world and back. She could ask me to walk into hell, and I would for her.” She drifted off a moment, a hoof pressed against her necklace, and when she spoke again, the truth returned, in her words and manageable now that it had been seen. “I’m tired.” 

“You are,” said the Princess, returning control now that her dear friend was able to take it. 

Rarity the unicorn was tired. 

She was tired and stressed, and frankly still not completely over the fact that she’d been a pawn in Discord’s game. It had led to Twilight being freed, but… but the idea that he had tried using her against Twilight and the others somehow? For some reason beyond her? That didn’t make sense?

She refused to believe he was actually trying to help, but… she couldn’t imagine what he was planning then. 

“And you are allowed to be tired,” Princess Luna continued. She gestured to the scars over Rarity’s cutiemark, so much a part of her now that they appeared in dreams. “What you have gone through in three or so years is more than most ponies would go through in an entire lifetime.” 

Rarity stood up and walked into the sea, sinking into the water, relishing the cool water against her coat and tired bones. Stars, how tired was she that even in dreams she was tired? She allowed herself to float, breathing in and out under the water, her eyes set on her pink necklace glowing underwater. 

When she spoke, her voice was clear, as if she were still sitting beside Luna. 

“I feel dreadful. I feel dreadful for even feeling this way. All of you have gone through so much, and here I am, upset that it’s not over already.” She turned around, floating on her back, and noticed the sky had stars too. “I have to tell Twilight, don’t I?” 

The princess shrugged. “I’m sure she already knows. I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels similarly.” 

“I feel awful about it,” Rarity continued, swimming in idle circles, “but sometimes, I—” She cut herself off, ashamed to even think the thought. But it already existed, didn’t it? 

“Speak it into existence.” 

“I miss the library.” She almost felt like crying, this longing for a time and place that was gone. “Sometimes, I… I don’t want Twilight to be trapped, I don’t miss any of that, but I miss… when the only concern I had was having to convince her that I couldn’t sleep over at the library for a fourth night in a row. Does that make me terrible?” 

“No,” said the princess, and she meant it. “I was speaking with Cadance about what Discord said, and while she was asking one of her guards to prepare information for us on wherever he claims Celestia is being held, all I could think was I missed when my only concern was helping my Hollow Shades foals navigate the very messy state of affair that is pre-teen angst.” 

Rarity laughed, a pang in her heart as she thought of the Hollow Shades foal. “It is quite messy, isn’t it? Do you remember when Thistle got turned down by Dusty for the school dance?” 

The princess scrunched up her nose. “Ah, yes. I distinctly remember telling you she was giving you a run for your money in the heartbroken department. And she’d only had a crush on him for a week, hadn’t she? Fascinating thing, foals.” 

“She was crying in my forelegs one day, and when I told her I understood, she looked me square in the eyes and said I would never feel a pain as big as hers, and you know?” She swam upright, smiling. “For a moment, the look in her eyes was such that I almost believed her.” She let herself float again. “My influence! Denza help her parents the first time a boy truly breaks her heart.” 

They settled into silence, Rarity aware of the rising and falling of her chest with every breath. 

“You should tell her,” said the Princess. 

“Tell her what?”

“That you miss the library.”

“I can’t,” Rarity replied softly after a moment. She wasn’t exactly trying to hide it; she was long past trying to keep secrets from Twilight, but— “There are some truths I’m happy keeping to myself.” She turned her head towards the princess watching her fondly. “I’m allowed some private thoughts!”

Princess Luna laughed. “Very well. An allowance can be made.” She stood up and stretched, her long wings unfurling at her sides. “We have a long day tomorrow piecing together what Discord said.”

“Ah. Sending me to sleep, then?” She glanced up at the sky of stars from amidst the sea of stars. “Or. Well. You know what I mean.”

“I would like to, but before I can do so, I have to wake you for an urgent task.” 

Rarity swam right-side up, towards the shore, ears lowered in concern. “An urgent task? Is something wrong?”

Princess Luna nodded gravely. “There is. I am aware of the dream doors available to me at all times, and I am lacking one. I would go find the sleepless mare myself, but—” She raised an eyebrow. “I believe you might be better suited for convincing Twilight Sparkle she should consider rest.”

Rarity giggled. “I shall try my level best,” she said, and then sank into the depths. 

Just as Princess Luna said, Rarity woke to find herself alone in Twilight’s old room. A clock on the wall marked the time as just a little past three, and when she looked around, she noticed the door was cracked slightly open, a sliver of light shining into the room. 

She reached towards her necklace on her chest, all but ready to cast the communication spell, but the magic never came, and she instead sat up and climbed out of bed. A walk sounded nice. It would clear her head. 

A few directions from patrolling guards later, she stepped out onto a balcony to find Twilight leaning against the railing, watching over the sleeping city. Her right ear twitched slightly, her tail flicked, and when she glanced back towards Rarity, she didn’t seem all that surprised. 

“Twilight,” Rarity yawned, stepping forward and sitting down next to the alicorn, “why are you awake? It’s four in the morning.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Twilight replied. She looked the unicorn over. “You were having a nightmare. Princess Luna took care of it?”

“Yes,” Rarity replied, leaning forward over the railing as well, watching guards prepping the main courtyard for Spike’s arrival in a few hours. He’d have a heart attack and a half when they told him Discord visited. “She kept me trapped there until I sorted my feelings out. Quite rude of her.”

“Was it about Discord? What he said?” Twilight asked, always straight to the point. 

“Among other things. He was playing chess against you, and I was every piece on his side.” She glanced over at her partner, fluttering her eyelashes. “Needless to say, you were definitely not winning.”

Twilight frowned. “Right.” Her expression softened, her ears lowering in that way they did when she was not quite pleased. “You weren’t a pawn, Rarity. You know that, right?”

“I know.” She looked back towards the city, avoiding Twilight’s searching eyes. 

“Did Princess Luna convince you?”

“We didn’t talk about that. We talked about—” She cut herself off, the words stuck in her throat. She should say it. Twilight probably wouldn’t be surprised. But to say it, to express the idea that she was tired of everything, it felt… She couldn’t. She kept her eyes on the city. “We talked about a lot of things. There’s still so much left to do, regardless of whether Discord’s lies aren’t lies. It’s a lot, isn’t it?”

There. It was an approximation of the truth. As close as she could get without just saying it outright. 

“It is,” Twilight replied. She sounded deep in thought. “I was thinking something similar, actually.”

Rarity looked back at her, ears perking up, eager for kinship. “Really? Is that what kept you up? What he said about Princess Celestia?” 

“Not what he said about Princess Celestia,” she said. She faltered, and when next she spoke, Rarity felt caution coming from her. “I was thinking more about what he said about us.”

“Oh, darling.” Rarity moved away from the railing. “Was it about how we met? Did he get to you, too?”

“No,” she said, quickly and firmly, not a hint of hesitation. “I don’t care if he’s the reason we met. That doesn’t change anything for me. It was more… It just made me think of…” She drifted off, the way she avoided Rarity’s gaze feeling familiar. 

Maybe Rarity wasn’t the only one still struggling to voice truths. 

“It made you think of what?” she pressed and was surprised to see Twilight look suddenly embarrassed. 

“It’s… I’m not sure how to… It might sound bad,” she said, not upset or afraid, but again, just flustered. 

“…Bad how?”

“Not bad in a bad way,” she said quickly. “Just—I mean, it might be a little—” She let out a breath, and then barrelled onwards. “I was thinking about what he said about us, and all we have to do, and then I started thinking about the library, and—” She cleared her throat. “I guess I just miss it. I miss the library.”

“…You miss the library,” Rarity repeated. 

“Yes. I mean, I don’t miss being trapped,” she clarified, misinterpreting the blankness of Rarity’s expression for concern. “I don’t miss the blaming myself, and all the bad parts, but I feel like we haven’t… stopped since I was freed, and I’m glad we got Princess Luna out, and I want to rescue everyone else, but I… Ugh! It sounds bad, but I miss when it was just you and me and the library, and my biggest worry was figuring out how to store food in the library so you wouldn’t need to go back home.”

She abashedly wrapped her tail around her body when Rarity simply stared at her. 

“See? I told you it sounded ba—What? What’s so funny?” she asked when Rarity broke into a grin, and her confusion only grew when Rarity came over, giggling like a fool into Twilight’s chest as the alicorn wrapped a wing around her. “Rarity? What’s so funny?”

To the end of the earth and back, she thought. She would follow Twilight Sparkle to hell and beyond, she would. 

Princess Luna would have such a laugh when she found out. 

“Come on, what’s so funny?” Twilight kept insisting, playfully annoyed. “I thought it was bad, not funny! Rarity? Rarity. Stop giggling!” Rarity did no such thing despite her best efforts, leaving poor Twilight with no other choice but to rest her chin on top of her partner’s giggling head, speaking only when the laughing died out a little later. “You’re silly.”

“I am,” Rarity admitted, and she closed her eyes, sinking into Twilight.

“Are you going to tell me what was funny?”

“You’ll think I’m teasing you,” Rarity said, and when she leaned back, Twilight’s curious stare did her in. “It’s because I miss the library, too. I was laughing because I was afraid of telling you, and you felt the same all along.” Her voice lowered, and her ears did as well. “Maybe we can visit? After we address everything with Cadance and Luna. Just to have a break. It would be nice even if… even if that beast ruined my memories of our first meeting.”

“I would like that,” Twilight replied, resting her chin atop Rarity’s head again. Even though she was holding Rarity close, her voice sounded far away, already putting together the start of a plan that would undo any damage Discord had done. All she would need is a bit of time, a little bit of help, a library, and a unicorn willing to still believe in fairytales. “That sounds really nice.”