too sad to cry

She stumbled out of the club, the freezing air numbing her very exposed skin, yet doing absolutely nothing about soothing the burn in her heart, searing with a pain so intense it was almost disorienting. She came to a stop right at the edge of the sidewalk, her eyes fixed on a puddle on the street, the most pathetic woman in the world gawking back at her with wide, puffy eyes.

“Rarity—!” Someone was calling to her. Delilah, probably. She sounded annoyed. She probably was, Rarity ruining her night out. Well, Rarity didn’t care. She didn’t bother turning back, would rather die than put one foot back in there, give him the satisfaction of seeing her affected, have to watch as—

How could it still hurt this much? She thought it was over. Why wasn’t it over?

That was the worst part, wasn’t it? Humiliation ripped through her, tearing her apart at the seams. Her eyes stung with tears like they hadn’t for a while. That was supposed to be good, wasn’t it? She hadn’t cried over him in a while, hadn’t been so debilitated with bitterness and jealousy and hurt in a while. Maybe that’s why she was beside herself with pain: she’d forgotten what it felt like; it had been that long. Of course, it would be shocking to feel it again.

But…

But that didn’t feel nice. It didn’t feel like a victory, even if she could all but hear her therapist framing it as much. It felt like bitter defeat, the sickening realization that some part of her, awful and terrible and unwilling to die, still loved him. Still cared.

Partygoers spilled in and out of the club like waves, laughing and chattering like nothing was wrong in the world. In that moment, she hated them as much as she envied them. How dare they be happy? How dare any of them have a good time? How dare that blight upon the world come and ruin her night? She’d spent hours on her make-up, how dare he ruin that for her?

She felt her phone vibrating, and it was only the need to think of anything else that prompted her to fish it out of her bag, the lock screen vanishing and exposing her messages, not a single one making her feel better.

🏫Delilah Dusk 👗 – 10:33PM
Look, it’s fine if u leave, but pls coordinate a new designated driver k? txs ❤️

DO NOT ANSWER – 10:28PM
Thought I just saw you at Ultra. Did I see wrong?

🧡Applejack 🍎- 2:43PM
Love you too, hun. DON’T forget to text the group chat when you’re back home ton—

💜Twilight Sparkle🤖 – 9:39AM
Sorry, I already have plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow?

God, she thought, shoving the phone back in her bag, fresh tears burning her eyes. A second went by, and when the thought of going back home alone felt unbearable, she pulled her phone back out, opened up her recent calls, and—

She hovered over Twilight’s name a fraction of a second. No. They were friends, but they weren’t that close, she felt. She couldn’t just— She scrolled further down, pressed a name, and then put the phone against her ear, rubbing her eyes with her hand.

It rang three times before Applejack picked up.

“Well, I’ll be!” came her friend’s voice, framed with heavy background noise of music and chatter. “You didn’t forget to let me know you’re back home.”

“Applejack—” Her voice broke almost immediately. She hated it. She hated it, she hated it, she hated it, again feeling humiliated when Applejack’s tone shifted immediately, alarmed.

“Rares? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Rarity said, that stupid crack still there. “No. I don’t—I—” She moved the phone away, trying to get some semblance of a grip, furious with herself. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. When she held the phone to her ear again, she cut Applejack off. “It’s—God, Applejack, it’s Blueblood.”

“Oh, hun. What happened?”

“He—He—He’s at Ultra. He came with—” Burning rage coated her words. “He came with that BITCH from Economics! Ultra is my club! He hates it, he only came to—to screw with me specifically, he—”

She choked on her own words, just saying them lacerating her with pain all over again. How could he? How could he?

“I’m sorry, Rares. You headin’ home now?”

“No. I don’t know. I—” She swallowed. She didn’t want to be alone. “Where are you?” There went her voice again, breaking. God. “Can I come see you? Please.”

“I’m at Gal Pals. Remember, the place I took you a few months back? I’m in the middle of helpin’ host some costume shindig, but you’re more than welcome to come by, sugarcube. You might have fun lookseeing all the costumes. Plus, no fear of Blueblood steppin’ here, unless he’s in the mood to get a bootprint on his ass. And not the fun way neither.”

Rarity couldn’t help but laugh. “That would be a welcome sight.” She wiped her eyes again, the world stabilizing briefly. She had direction. A plan. People with plans were not pathetic. “Alright. I’ll head over, then. Thank you, darling.”

Gal Pals was fortunately not too far from Ultra. Just a brisk fifteen-minute walk, which would hopefully be enough to help clear her head. Even if she wasn’t really Gal Pals intended… clientele, per se, it would be nice to go again. Maybe one day she would be going there because she’d planned to, and not because she was trying to run away from Blueblood.

Not that the last time had been so bad.

Her purse felt suddenly heavy, thumping against her as she walked, her thoughts drawn to the phone tucked away inside it. A nightclub sounded fun, sounded good, but…

Her phone was out of her bag seconds later, the phone unlocking and a particular message conversation populating her screen—a text thread she knew very well, if only because of how often she just idly pulled it up as if a new text might have appeared.

You – 7:14AM
Good morning! ☀️ It’s Saturday, thank GOD 🙏🙏🙏 We do love the weekends at the house of Belle.

💜Twilight Sparkle🤖 – 9:30AM
Good morning [-:
And so it is, lol. Any plans for today?

You – 9:31AM
None as of yet! I was actually about to ask if you’re free tonight? Perhaps we could plan something. 💃🏻? 🎥? 🥡?

💜Twilight Sparkle🤖 – 9:39AM
Sorry, I already have plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow?
     [You liked this message]

Rarity stopped, her long nails tapping on the back of her phone.

Maybe Twilight was already back home? That would be nice. If she were, seeing her sounded more appealing than sipping a drink at a club. Seeing Twilight sounded more attractive than a lot of things, in fact. Sometimes she worried her friend might be getting tired of Rarity inserting herself into her life so much.

Thankfully, she didn’t worry enough that it stopped her from acting.

She tapped away at the keyboard, composing a quick message, until she stopped, realizing she’d actually rather prefer hearing Twilight’s voice. She was one of those people who had no text tone whatsoever, so it was hard to tell sometimes what mood she was in.

Feeling a little excited, she dialed the right number and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited until a robotic voicemail kicked in, not even having the decency of actually being a recorded message from Twilight.

Well, that was unfortunate. But she tried again, because maybe Twilight hadn’t had her phone nearby. Maybe she had those bulky headphones over her head, the noise-cancelling blocking out the ringing.

So it rang again. And again. And when halfway through the third, the robot came back not because she’d waited enough, but because she’d been sent to voicemail, well, that stung. Oh, that really stung, tonight of all nights.

“See? You’re being annoying, Rarity,” she admonished herself in resentful sing-song. Whatever. She didn’t care. She did not care in the least about Twilight or Blueblood or anyone else, and she cared so little in fact that she opened up her messages with Twilight to compose an excuse.

You – 10:42PM
Oh, goodness! I’m sorry, I thought I was calling someone else 🙂I didn’t mean to bother you! 🙃

A second, and then—

Twilight Sparkle reacted to your message [👍]

“A thumbs-up?” Rarity whispered, galled. Well. That was fine. She still didn’t care, she thought, going into Twilight’s contact information and making some minor adjustments. Everyone was being rude to her tonight, which was perfectly fine with h—

Bzzt!

👍Twilight Sparkle👍 – 10:45PM
It’s no problem. Sorry I didn’t answer. Putting out a fire at the event I’m at. I was going to call you right back, haha.
Don’t forget to let me know later what you’d like to do tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it.

Oh…

Well, now Rarity felt a little silly and petty. It wasn’t Twilight’s fault Blueblood was downgrading humanity as a whole. She shot back a text as she finally resumed her walk towards the club. 

You – 10:46PM
Oh, I will! I hope everything turns out all right with your event! I’m excited for tomorrow, too ❤️

💜✨Twilight Sparkle✨💜 – 10:49PM
[-:

It was those silly little emojis from the stone-ages. She couldn’t stay mad even if she’d had a reason to stay mad when Twilight sent her those.

Well, she thought, quietly wishing it were already tomorrow and Twilight were there, Gal Palling it is.